Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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