if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
