he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
