Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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