So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
