Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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