i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
