it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
