if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
