apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
