You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
