theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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