no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
high people should be assigned attendants
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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