A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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