I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
