need another drink. this is the easiest way
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
