Don't you send me to vm
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
