Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
