Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize