Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
