Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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