i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Im part way to drunk.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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