Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
