I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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