Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
