currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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