the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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