i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize