I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
