Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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