I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
