i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
