he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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