that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
