I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
