11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
