you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't deserve a penis
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
