You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
you never un-have a 4some
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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