you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
