I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
