Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
