Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
