Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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