I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
