It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize