im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
