You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
