porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
