Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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