your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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