Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
