It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
