Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
