Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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