i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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