She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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