Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize