my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
