Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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