whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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