Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
