I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
