I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
