The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize