He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
