Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize