just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
