just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
