i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
