margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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