i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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