When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
