lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
