Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
