i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
They should really pass out barf bags in church
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
