We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you win again, gameday.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
