I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
