home. puking in laundry basket.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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