i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How does one acquire holy water?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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