just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
