I haven't been this sober since birth.
We got so high we made milksteak
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize