So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
