i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
