Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
