hotel room ftw
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
