you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
