Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
In America we eat man semen.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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