what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
