He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
