You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
