I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
