It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I am full of burrito and curiosity
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
