I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
