Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You can't special order awesome
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
