I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
