the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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