She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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