i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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