even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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