True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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