She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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