Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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