I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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