Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
