Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
