don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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